there were so many things to celebrate in october, for me, with books and all. oh, and my birthday, i guess. but this year has been quite full of celebration-worthy events, actually. which made me realise how silent it's been so far. which made me ALSO realise that i don't really broadcast good events, so people rarely know what i've achieved. i used to think that talking about your achievements might come across as bragging, but in later years, i realised that not talking about it at all makes me forget that i've achieved them. i forgot that i received anugerah badan bahasa until someone mentioned it during the outrage last year--and it's true, isn't it? no one knew i received that. and i once mentioned that one of the problems with women writers is that, sometimes we do receive acknowledgements, but no one celebrates it, no one remembers it. maybe we --i-- shouldn't contribute to that circle of oblivion. that's kind of the reason why i've been talking about more good things i have going on, actually. if everyone else forgets, i think at least one person should remember, even if that one person is myself.
people celebrate things with other people, apparently. i noticed that when i was doing the signing, which was, in a way, a celebration. there's food and drink and people, and i guess there's music, although if i were alone i'd have played... well, you know what. actually, that's when i really realised something's off. i thought i'd be doing signing alone with no one around me, so i brought my headphones with full intention of doing the work in silence and surrounded by -cough-paulsimon-cough- :^) but, oh, people! saying how good things are! talking to me! which was nice because it WAS nice. but then i went home with a friend, bought groceries, cooked steak & pasta, drank tea (a lot), watched fear street trilogy (AGAIN), and slept. and that was good. that was lovely. but then she left and i soaked in the bathtub, did some work, ate chicken wings (a lot), drank boba milk tea, listened to MY music... and it was even better.
i thought i don't celebrate things because the world is so quiet around me even when occasions that call for festivity occur, but it seems that i simply celebrate things alone. i give myself a long quiet time when something lovely happens. i eat especially good food. i sleep enough and breathe slowly. i think everyone celebrates things in different ways because what makes you happy can be (or ARE) different from what makes others happy. it's nice to find out what they are, then do it. because ultimately, these are supposed to be your happy moments. if you don't wanna share it with anyone else, it's absolutely okay.
which is actually something very generic to know, but everyone needs reminding sometimes.
and, i think, if you celebrate alone, as i said and as i do, you have tendency to forget unless you say it on repeat. and it's okay. sometimes people reveal good things on social media not to show off, but to remind them that they've done good things, they've experienced great things. to put what's good for you ahead of others' opinions is yet another thing that everyone knows but still needs reminding, i suppose. so, folks, here's your reminder.
anyway, let's talk about the most "i don't get it" book, Continuum:
So, what's Continuum about?
t w : s u i c i d e
I'm aware that Continuum is a bit strange, and that's quiet deliberate. It's up to readers to see the story as they understand it, but there's an intended meaning upon conception, and here it is:
Continuum follows several characters: Tom, Tom's mother, Audrey, Pierre, Klaus, and Jim.
It begins with Tom who learns that his father is dead. Tom's mother tells him that when people die, they become stars that will look over their loved ones from the sky and that there's a star up there that loves Tom, and that she loves that star.
It is later revealed that Tom's parents were separated because his father didn't want to be in a committed relationship, while his mother still pines for him no matter what. In spite of the fact that he's dead, her love remains and she continues loving him in what after-life form she makes herself believe he's taking. Tom's grandmother forbids him from knowing the father who abandoned the family, until the day that he died. Tom discovers, from his old possessions that are kept in Tom's grandmother's attic, that his father was an astronaut who died during a mission. Since he died in space, Tom believes that it makes sense that he becomes a star. However, he soon finds that stars, in fact, are not people. (Duh.)
In school, Tom has several strange friends. The first to be encountered is Audrey, the little girl who's in love with her married teacher. He's also friends with Pierre, who's in love with dead Oscar Wilde; Klaus, who's in love with his imaginary friend, Curie; and Jim, who's obsessed with a girl he encountered at a wedding that turns out to be his schoolmate that's about to get married herself. Later it is revealed that there is, actually, a star that falls in love with Tom and tries to communicate with him, asking him to go and find her. Tom, noticing, also falls in love with the star.
It is hinted that one of Klaus's friends from Imaginary Club befriends someone who once experienced similar kind of love and, after his death from suicide, became an imaginary friend for children to protect them from going through it as well. Knowing that Tom is in love with a star, he shoots it down so she will stop sending him signals to fly to her, keeping Tom from killing himself upon wishing for an impossible love.
Klaus visits Tom who's heartbroken because the star he fell in love with has stopped flickering, not knowing that the star has exploded. The next day, Audrey takes turn to visit him, then Jim, then Pierre, and Tom notices that his friends are also being consumed by their depression. Pierre suggests that since it's possible for Tom to go to the sky, unlike him who can't be with his love interest no matter how close their physical bodies are, Tom should go and see what happens with the star he's in love with. Tom eventually becomes an astronaut and gets picked to go to space, but, like his father, dies on the mission when he spacewalks too closely to a dying star.
Klaus finds out that a relative of his, a scientist, was once in love with an adventurer woman, but they were ridiculed and their relationship was challenged simply because of their physical features. They made a suicide pact and threw themselves into a waterbody and died, in their testimony, happily, because no one would make fun of their love in the afterlife.
Driven by desperation after losing his best friend, Klaus decides to follow his relative's footstep and kill himself. He gathers his friends and Tom's mother, all of whom are as miserable, to a forest where they light a fire and sing in memory of Tom. They later commit suicide by burning themselves in a bonfire.
yeah, this is actually a pretty disturbing book. (but, hey, you're not surprised; i made it.) it is, at its very core, talking about people who desires things that no one else can comprehend, and go through pain no one else can understand. it's talking about hopelessness and how the harsh truth is that sometimes there's no way out of it, except one. sometimes the way out is kinder, especially when no one is able to help you out of it. (maybe a wee disclaimer that i don't encourage suicide. it's just that i absolutely can't see it as a 'cowardice' or 'selfishness'. it's desperation at peak, and instead of belittling the pain of someone who lost, i wish people would understand that they --we-- should always ALWAYS be kind. life is painful. don't hurt others even after it's over.)
anyway,
eat lots and find a way to smile today, friends. perhaps take a good 15 mins nap. or watch legally blonde, that movie is bomb.